Joanna Fortune: My baby keeps pulling other people's hair

Your little one is also some way off fully grasping cause-and-effect thinking, such as, “If I hit you, then you cry because it hurt you. So this means hitting hurts people, and I should not do this.”

In some way, the hair-pulling behaviour is a good example of a young child starting to explore and experiment with cause-and-effect thinking.

This explanation is not to excuse, minimise, or dismiss what is happening. If the hair-pulling occurs with toddlers in childcare, you will likely be called in and told it’s upsetting the other children.

So, you are quite right to respond to her behaviour. 

Be careful not to overreact, as you risk amplifying it.

Whenever it happens, quickly remove her hand from the hair and check with the person whose hair has been pulled. Let her see you hug them. Now come down to her eye level while holding her hands in yours. Gently sway her hands from side to side as you say in a gentle yet firm voice: “Stop. No hair pulling.” Ensure your face is calm but serious to match your tone of voice, and use as few words as possible.

Now, bring her hands together and clap them, raise one of her hands to wave, and then redirect her to another activity that will distract her and move on.

It is possible that the feeling of hair in her hand has a sensory effect, so you could swap the hair with one of her soothing objects, such as a stuffed toy, and help her stroke, rub, and pull it instead.

Increasing her sensory play could also help, specifically Play-Doh, which she can roll, stretch, and pull. Water play and other “messy” play will give her another way to use her hands to increase sensory regulation rather than hair-pulling.

Be prepared to repeat this response often because young children learn through repetition.

Your response is critical. It needs to be calm, clear, consistent, and predictable. She will gradually begin to anticipate with certainty how you will respond when she pulls another person’s hair versus when she does something different.

I know it can be frustrating but it is typical behaviour for a child her age, so try not to worry too much. It is most likely a phase that will pass, especially as her speech progresses and she finds other ways to express herself.