Joanna Fortune: I worry about anxiety when leaving my 10-month-old at creche

Whatever your childcare choice, you are leaving your baby with someone else, which requires trust. This is particularly challenging when you've yet to build a relationship with the minders who will care for your baby

Tue, 04 Mar, 2025 - 15:28

Joanna Fortune

I have recently started the creche settling-in process with my 10-month-old son. He is very curious, open to exploring new environments and happy to get to know wider family and friends. Unfortunately, the first week of creche hasn't been easy, and he has been quite upset when I leave. I hear a lot from creche staff saying: 'It's just a process, and all babies go through it', and I do not doubt this is true. However, I worry about any possible impact of separating before 12 months and of the impact of possible prolonged crying.

The transition back to work from maternity leave is challenging, not just for your baby but also for you. Whatever your childcare choice, you are leaving your baby with someone else, which requires trust. This is particularly challenging when you've yet to build a relationship with the minders who will care for your baby.

In the longer version of your letter, you say you would like to spend more time in the creche with him so he can settle. This extra time also lets you get a feel for the room and his childminders before leaving. I understand your need to do this. Staying and sitting on the floor with your baby and the minders is a great way to start getting to know each other and building that all-important trust-based connection.

Joanna Fortune: "Consider bringing a familiar item from home, such as a blanket or a toy that helps him settle/sleep, and share this with the creche team. Let them know if there is a particular song he likes to hear or finds soothing. These aids will help to bring consistency and familiarity to his routine with them, which will help him settle." Picture: istockphoto

When creche staff reassure you that this is a process, that he will settle, and that he will not cry for long, they speak from experience of supporting children (and parents) through this challenging transitional period. You can be honest with them, saying this is difficult for you and that you feel anxious and uncertain about the transition. They will understand. Remember that settling in during this introductory period is as much about you and the minders getting to know each other and building your shared connection as it is about supporting your baby to settle in.

You also asked about the childcare best for babies and toddlers, but I do not have a neat answer because every child is different. Some babies settle well into group childcare settings such as creche, and others will do better with smaller childcare, perhaps in a childminder home or one-to-one care in their own home. The essence of making this choice is about what or who is available in your area.

In the meantime, consider bringing a familiar item from home, such as a blanket or a toy that helps him settle/sleep, and share this with the creche team. Let them know if there is a particular song he likes to hear or finds soothing. These aids will help to bring consistency and familiarity to his routine with them, which will help him settle.

Ensure you also put things in place to take care of yourself during this transition. This might be arranging to meet someone for a coffee or bring a favourite drink and listen to something soothing on your way to work. Let your employer know that you are working through the early stages of childcare transition and need some extra supports and flexibility to help you ease the transition back to work. Activate your support network and let them take care of you during this process.